Asperger’s – What should we do?

No cure, no medication. This is a neurological condition, not a psychological issue. Not even therapy will work.
After I dried my tears, daddy bought Asperger’s Books, and we were determined to learn about Asperger’s and live with it. We would be change our parenting style and help Alexander learn to cope with daily life.

It is a new world for us. I went to few training classes and talked to some professionals. It helped. Now I know, when Alexander flaps his hands, or jumps all over the house, or skips around on the hallway, I now need to re-direct his energy—and not punish him for these actions that he could not stop. Now I know when he can’t control his anger, crying or hitting, I need to ask and find out the reason and help him figure out a way control the situation. It is a little bit overwhelming and we are still trying to adjust to it.

I plan to work with an Occupational Therapist for Alexander’s sensory issues. The more I learned, the more I would understand how to coach Alexander.

As Autism Specialist – Miss Helene Mann told me: pick your battles. I just have to learn a creative way to parent Alexander. Now, I won’t get mad when he forgets his shoes or backpack. I learned to use a check list to train him, but I also know it will take a while. I won’t get mad when he curls his whole body in the car because his “legs hurt.” I know he just needs a few minutes rest and to bounce around a bit because he can’t control himself.

What should we do? We’ll start a number of training lists and plans, getting ready in the morning, how to deal with emergency situations, daily greetings, etc. Step by step.

It will take a while, but I know our love will make us strong.

What’s this word – Asperger’s Syndrome

After our first IEP meeting with Stephen Danzig. Psy.D, I learned this new word “Asperger’s Syndrome” and I went home Googled this unusual word. After I read the definition and characteristics, I thought this is when the doctor could not treat some naughty kids, so they defined a name for it. Alexander is one of these kids.

Here are the typical Asperger’s (from Book - Quirky,Yes. Hopeless, No - by Cynthia La Brie Norall, PhD.)
1. Generally unaware about people, social situations, time, place.
2. Rigid, prefers routine, very literal-minded, and such purveyors of truth that they are too blunt and inadvertently insult others.
3. Have difficulty making eye contact.
4. Have special interests, which for some become obsessions, and they will talk about these topics continuously.
5. Act inappropriately. It is difficult for them to read body language.
6. Out-of-box thinking lets them see the world very differently than we do.
7. Highly sensitive to touch, sound, light, taste, and other stimuli.
8. Need help staying on track and being organized.
9. Lack self-awareness skills and may have bouts of anger and frustration beyond their control.

Many kids may have some characteristics, but in moderate level, but Alexander has all, and very noticeable that need professional help. Then, I found out, there is no medication for this. The worse part: it cannot be cure.
What should we do?

Asperger’s - What’s the problem?

I’ve always thought Alexander has a special ability to memorize all kinds of details about his favorite books and other subjects. He often quotes word-for-word from books, explains all facts about insects or planets, knows all the names of characters and levels in games, can download and get all computer games rather easily.

And yet, I also always wondered why Alexander could not remember our neighbors or friends’ names even we see them almost every week for five years. Alexander could not remember our daily routine – like getting clothed, brushing his teeth, putting his socks on, eating breakfast, putting on shoes, getting his backpack, getting in the car. . . Often, he would come downstairs without all of his clothing on, or was ready to go to school but he didn’t have his shoes or backpack. Sometimes he even forgot what he was doing.

Like most mothers, I thought he would be able to do all these things when he gets older. Now, he is seven. Alexander still cannot remember the morning routine, still cannot remember to flush the toilet, still cannot remember peoples’ names, and often still forgets his clothing, backpack, and shoes. Still in some ways I thought he was like most boys in doing these things, too.

Well, can you imagine how he copes at school? When Mrs. Suster (his homeroom teacher) suggested that we should evaluate him to find out if he need any special help, I thought maybe he just needed more strict guideline and more one-on-one attention. How hard it could be? What was the problem?

I was so wrong.

Pre-Asperger’s – six year old Alexander

When Alexander was six, he loved to watch and read The Simpsons comic books, Sponge Bob Square Pants, Mythbusters, Dirty Jobs, etc. Alexander still ate very selective food and drink, loved to draw, preferred to play alone or play with a few friends.
Drawing and Videogames remained Alexander’s main focus and he just could not keep his mind off his art and games.

When Alexander started second grade, he started to have problems in class. Then, we were informed that he may need some help.

He was diagnosed as most likely having Asperger’s Syndrome.

As his mother, this new word “Asperger’s Syndrome” was like a new world to me. I was shocked and in disbelief. Then, after meetings with school teachers, parent training classes, library books, online research, and having talked to other parents, I started to understand why his flapping hands, odd talking, and silly logical took place.

Alexander is our precious boy and we will learn how to work with him. We are blessed to have him and we will help him to fit this boring and normal world.

Pre-Asperger’s – five year old Alexander

When Alexander was five years old, he started to enjoy Wallace and Gromit, ate very selective foods, drank water and certain drinks, loved to play computer and video games, enjoyed to draw, talked about robots and still preferred to play alone.
I thought he was an independent, sweet boy who enjoyed quiet activities like drawing.

On the first day in kindergarten, we told the teacher he was able to read well and we had no worries. We hoped he will enjoy kindergarten. Then the teacher tested him and he skipped kindergarten. I panicked and worried his lack of attention would be the cause of more problems. The teacher took him and thought he was at the right level - 1st grade.

Alexander managed in his own way to finish 1st grade. Alexander was in advanced reading small group and did not have any problems, at least academically. As one would expect for a five or six year-old boy, there were some minor behavioral problems.

We never were terribly worried. Alexander still could not tie his shoes, so we bought him no-lace shoes. Alexander liked to jump around, like most of boys. Alexander liked to play games, and like most boys his age Alexander liked to draw, hide under furniture, build “forts”, liked to play alone, liked to only eat selective food, preferred to go home before it got dark outside….all small behaviors like most boys, we figured, and so we never worried.

Pre-Asperger’s – four year old Alexander

When Alexander was four year old, he still loved to play with Thomas the Tank Engine trains, and loved to play on computer, ate chicken nuggets, peanut butter sandwiches and apples, only drank water or fruit punch, still loved to draw and enjoyed playing alone.

Alexander could read well. Alexander could write. I always thought he followed his sister and learned much on his own. He taught himself and managed to learn at from school even without paying much attention.

Alexander stayed in Friendship Christian School for one more semester, and then I kept him home to teach him Chinese.

I keep buying copy paper and provided all art materials. I was amazed by his layout skills and creative drawing ability. He is a very talented artist. The best part is, he loves it.

Every day, we have different neighbor's kids come to play with Meiying and Alexander. Alexander still prefers to play alone.

Pre-Asperger’s – three year old Alexander

When Alexander was three years old, he still loved to play with his Thomas the Tank Engine trains, only ate peanut butter sandwiches (no more Macaroni and Cheese), drank water (only), still loved to draw, and still enjoyed playing alone.
I sent Alexander to Friendship Christian School to enjoy a small school setting environment. Here troubles began.
The school required students to learn how to tie their shoes, but Alexander spend almost one year to learn and still could not get it right. Alexander did not want to play ball in school because, as he complained, it was too hot outside. Alexander refused to color his picture only one color within the lined areas. Alexander was often day dreaming. Alexander often could not pay attention. Well, Alexander more often than not was in the “timeout chair.” I tried to train him, talked to him, and took him to our pediatrician to check to see if he hasd ADHD, or anything wrong. Nothing, except - he is a boy and most boy is like this.

We continued to teach him and keep reminding him. After all, he was three year old and most boys are like that.